I guess I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm an awful person.

I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused...

And I'm sorry for the pain I'm still causing.

I'm sorry I'm a hypocrite.

I'm sorry I'm judgmental.

I'm sorry I'm pathetic...

And I'm sorry for being a part of your life.

I wish I could stop life.

I wish I could take it back to a time we were both happy.

I wish I could meet that girl again...

And I wish we could make changes for the best.

I know you'll probably never read this.

I know you probably won't understand.

I know how much I've hurt you...

And I understand if you never want to speak to me again.

I've made a decision.

I've decided that I will break a promise.

I'm going to break my no self harm rule...

For every mark I have caused on you, I will harm myself...

It will teach me a lesson.

I hope you don't hate me for this.

I feel it is the only way.

The only way I can keep my anger down...

I'm the one who gets hurt...

Not you.

Q. What does sex mean to you?


A. Sex to me is bringing myself closer to my significant other. I like the closeness and the trust that we can have. Sex is also about enjoying what another person wants to do to you, eg: pleasure.


Q. What does sex mean to you?


A. Sex to me is a chore. I have been screwed around for years that the thought of someone using me for their own pleasure is disgusting. I don't like sex much anymore, and although I seem to have a pretty decent partner, I just can't seem to want it for her.


Q. Do you find yourself sexually attracted to your significant other?


A. Yes! Of course I do. I love her so much, I just wish she could trust me. I wish I could change how she views all of this. I've been with her before, but sometimes we just seem to drift apart...like she doesn't want me anymore.


Q. Do you find yourself sexually attracted to your significant other?


A. I'm really not sure. I'm not sure whether a female partner is for me.






**The blue text are my own thoughts on my situation at the moment.

<3 this photo

makes me

smile :)

i feel so lonely right now...
:(
i always get ditched...
i never ditch you...
i know you had valid reasons, but i hate being apart from you...
i hate not having anyone...
i hate that i know you're not coming home tonight...


:(

why can't you tell if I'm fooling around or not...

i'm not sure what is wrong anymore...
i've been so upset lately...crying for no apparent reason...
:(


at least i know that there's always going to be someone there for me...
and even though i've been pushing her away lately, yelling and screaming...it's been the only way i've been able to calm myself down...


it's either that, or my wrists get it...and i've been trying so hard to stay clean...


i care about you, baby and i'm sorry for everything lately :(

i dont even know if i want you anymore