I wonder if I was born a boy that my dad would like me more?

I wish they had given me stronger pain killers...
I feel as though I need them right now...

You pissed me off.

Yea, she's your sister, and yea I get her every night.

But do you forget I had, had a 2 hour operation and every time I went to move I felt like I was going to pass out.I had a tube hanging out of my tummy, I wasn't allowed to pee.

I'm sure you would chose sitting at a mates beside for a while over seeing your sister.

It just annoyed me. And I know you'll read this, and you'll know it's directed at you, but who else in my pathetic life do I have to come and sit next to a hospital bed while and tube is peeing into one bag and blood/fluid is draining into the other. 

It's embarrassing...and I'm sure you wouldn't have sat there. What your sister did was fucking impressive. Both my mum and I were proud of the way she sat there as they looked at me. She helped me to try stand even though my blood was lying right there.

I'm sorry...

Maybe next time I have the surgery, which I will, I won't ask anyone to come. Because I mean nothing to anyone. 

My surgery is over and done with...for now.

I am stuck with this illness now. I will be in and out of hospital for the rest of my life.

Yea, what they found wasn't much, but they found it...and it's going to come back.

It's not going to kill me. It's just going to cause me a lot of pain...

:(

Blood tests tomorrow.
Surgery on Tuesday.
How I wish I could come home on Tuesday night.
But oh well.
I won't even get to talk to you on Tuesday night...
You'll have her around...

Times like these I need you the most and when I can't have you I get upset.

FML.

Fuck you, mum. I don't ask much of you, but the one thing I really, really want and you won't let me have it. I just want her there for me and you won't pick us up or let her stay. Fuck you. The one thing I really wanted.