I just don't get it anymore...

I feel sad, lonely, angry...

I have so many mixed feelings...

And it's hurting 

am i like, human repellent or so something?

you barely come near me now...

what's up with you...? it would kinda be nice to know...

so you can't have sex with me now because...you're "not ready"...

sucks for me...

and fucking disappointing when you tell me that i could potentially get some...to turn around a few hours later and say "no"...seriously, don't get my hopes up to just bring them straight back down again...

i've respected you so far...and it's not like your idea of sex is really even sex...i like sex because i can connect to someone i care about...but sex with you just feels like its a chore...there's no emotion, no passion...no nothing...that's what i want back...

our relationship is just a friendship with the added bonus of hugs and on occasion, kisses...

it doesn't help either, that when i tell you earlier, "i'm going to get myself off in the shower later", it doesn't help when you walk in just as i'm about to get there...it tuns me off...i hate it...

you won't have sex with me, nor will you let me even get myself off...

it sucks...maybe being 'gay' just doesn't cut it for you...you only use me for all your emotional support...you don't love me like i love you...you never have and never will...

so why do you stay around and fuck with me....or 'not' fuck with me...either way, it sucks....

fine...fuck you too...
just seems like you dont want me anymore...
tell me...and leave

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i generally have a lot on my mind...whether people choose to believe it or not...and there's one thing that's been bugging me for a while...

alex.

yea, that fat, pin dicked ass hole....

caitlin came up to me the other day and mentioned how you came into the deli and asked paul (apparently very rudely) why she was working...why do you care? you say you don't want shit all to do with us...her in particular...

don't bother trying to win her back...i wouldn't think she'd want to go back to you...but then again, i'm not so sure...

why were you all funny around me the other night? why did you stare (and at who) when cait and i walked out...

i keep wondering if the time we were together was just a joke...to be honest, i don't really care...you were more of a mate than anything, but i mean, when we started hanging out, you were still fooling around with her...but she wasn't giving you what you wanted...so you targeted me instead...you had only one thing in mind when you got with me...and his name is tiny...

you were substituting what you really wanted with me...and that's disgusting...the thought of your name to me now just makes me want to be sick...

sometimes i wonder if we can ever be friends again...i liked us being friends...going out, playing pool having a laugh...but when i actually think about it, you're probably just using me to get close to her again...so lay the fuck off, ok. she's mine now. you've had more than your fair share...