i just want a cuddle :(

I'm just going to put all my daily challenges into one day...I have several to catch up on...


Day 11. Would I rather be stranded on a desert island with someone I loved for 10 years or someone I hated for a month?


I really don't know. I wouldn't want to be the want to be the weak one if it was someone that I hated, but I wouldn't want to risk losing the one I loved. It's hard. Maybe one month with the person I hated. But I don't think that I'm going to get stranded on a desert island anytime soon :)


Day 12. Something I'm worried about?


Finance. I'm not making enough money to support myself and Caitlin and I are looking at moving into a new flat. I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold up my end :(


Day 13. Not Applicable.


Day 14. Something that I do that is disgusting.


Well, it something I did when I was a kid and I was never able to get myself out of the habit. But I really, really don't want to say what it is, because it is really embarrassing.


Day 15. Lyrics that apply to my current situation.


**Cause on a street, or under the covers, we're stuck like two pieces of velcro. At the park, in the back of my car, it don't matter what I do, no, I can't keep my hands off you**


Day 16. A drunken story.


The night I got shitty with my parents and I left the house at, like, midnight and I went to Greg's house. And we drank. And he was sooooo sleazy. At we started hooking up, and next thing you know, I'm down on my knees sucking him off. And we some how made it to his room, and think we did weed. And we 69ed and all that. I titty fucked him :/ and hahahaha. It was a good night. My mother thought I had been raped when she saw the hickey's on my neck.


Day 17. Something I regret.


The person I lost my virginity too. He was the biggest mistake of my life. But at the same time, he was a good friend.


Day 18. To do list.

• Top up phone.
• Save $70 for Caitlin's ring.
• Ring the specialist.
• Get a new job.
• Clean house.
• Move to new place.
• Make it to 1 year with my gorgeous. xoxox

i guess i'm going to have to apologise. i was told that you do actually like me and that i was just reading too far into that blog. i don't know. maybe i was. i guess it's just because you have the life that i always wanted and i'm trying to find every reason to pull you down.
i hate how you judged me. i hate how you think i would go as far to break someone like that. yea, you've seen me angry, and yea, you're entitled to your own opinions, but to post them on an internet blog for everyone to read is a bit harsh. yea, i stooped to your level, and slandered you, and hated you...and now i really wish i could take it all back. you've never done anything to cross me...never, and i return one opinion like this?
i'm sorry :(
i don't even know if you're going to read this...ever, but if you do, just try understand for me.

thank you :(

DAY 10 - ONE THING THAT I HAVE LIED ABOUT

I HAVE LIED ABOUT MANY THINGS IN MY LIFE. BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT I HAVE BEEN KEEPING TO MYSELF FOR YEARS. ITS SOMETHING I CAN'T EVEN TELL ON THIS...CAITLIN IS THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE TOLD. I'M SO ASHAMED BY IT.

I CAN'T SAY.

day 9: something that makes me sad when i think about it

the future. i hate thinking about the future. i live in the moment and to think about losing someone i love now just sucks. whether it be losing caitlin, or whether it be my grandad passing away...i just don't like thinking about what's going to happen...

day 8: my last night out, in detail.

i honestly haven't been out in a long time. when they say 'out' do they mean drinks and what not?

if so, then my last night out was midway through december last year. i went out drinking in the middle of the night in the rain with alex. i liked that night. we let off fireworks too. if i remember rightly, he tried having sex with me on the hill...until i told him that i had my period...which i didn't. he gave me his jacket when i started shivering.

:)

Day 7: Things I like/don't like about the way I look.


There is nothing that I really like about my appearance. I have gained so much weight over the year, I can't even look at myself in a mirror. It's disgusting.
There only one thing I really like about my look, and that my eyes and nose. But even then, they're disgusting.