"You don't listen..."

Well she doesn't, and it really hacks me off.

She yells at me because the potatoes aren't cooked right, I simply just ignore her; not wanting to get into an argument.

She follows me through to my room, because she didn't get an answer.

I tell her to leave me alone, and that I'll be fine, but does she leave me alone? No.

I put my hands on her to get her off me, and she does it back to me. I ask her to leave me alone, but does she leave me alone? No.

It slowly escalates into something more than just a petty argument and I end up physically fighting her. I give in and fucking scream at her to let me go, to leave me alone, so I can stay away from the horrible bitch that she is. But, does she leave me alone? No.

Next thing you know, I'm pushed up against a wall, refusing to fight back (because, she's told me to try and control myself, so I do) and she's yelling all sorts of bullshit at me. The kind that was put to rest earlier.

"You fucked him in this house!"

"You're treating me like you treat your mother!"

"I'm the one paying for everything for you!"

Yea, well you know what? Fuck you. I didn't try fight back; the only fighting back that I did, was to try getting you out of my room, so I could be alone. So I could get away from you! You don't trust me to be alone, but seriously, you can't just leave me alone for 10 minutes!?

I know you don't get time to yourself these days, and I've offered to go out so you can take a break, but no. You have to spend every waking moment with me.

When I lock myself in my room like that, it's because I want time away from you...even if I have just spent the entire day without you.

I'm sorry, but it's true, and it's been bugging me. I just wish for once that you would listen to me. I always have to listen to you, do what you say, it’s all about you. I mean, I find it hard to complain when I'm sick because it just seems to me like you don't give a shit...and that hurts. I try so hard not to complain, only because to me, it seems 'out of line' and that I'm not high enough in the hierarchy to complain about that kinda shit.

Ah, fuck it. I can't be fucked rambling anymore.

I'm feeling a little better, but not 100%.

I can't wait till I can actually move without hurting.

I just can't wait.

I'm sick.

It's yuck.

I just wanna sleep till the sickness is gone.

I smile. Today I am happy.

I'm thinking positive and I am actually thinking about activities that will make me happy.

It's weird, but it feels good to be able to actually THINK about something other than dark depressing thoughts.



I decided about 3 months ago that I'd fallen in love with you.

I can look back from where I am now, and tell myself that I wasn't naive for telling you it.
I've been thinking about you.

I've been thinking about how we met, and that from day one, even though you didn't like me from the start, that I'd fall for you. And I did. Within a week, I had a thing for you. Within a couple of months, I was obsessed and it didn't help that you had declared me your best friend. And within just a few more months, we were living together. Doing everything together.

I think about the nights we spent together; I think about all the texts we saved from each other; I think about how I hated it when you weren't with me; I think about how you hurt me when I asked you out. It's weird to think that we're with eachother now. We've been through so much.

I imagine your face when your not with me, and I smile, because I know in the end, you will come back home to me, snuggle up in bed, and fall asleep in my arms.

I guess I'm writing this because I know that I'm still falling...and I hope that you'll catch me just before I hit the bottom, just like you have every other time :)

Baby, I love you, and that's not about to change anytime soon.
xoxox

i talked to HIM...this could either be good or bad...

i guess we'll see

I don't have a fucking clue to write these days.

I just want something epically amazing to happen so I can write. I enjoy writing, but I get bored when I can't think of anything TO write about.

Well, there is one thing on my mind. I want YOU to start writing more so I know what you're thinking. I'm not a fucking mind reader, but there are sometimes where I get the feeling there's more going on in that head of yours than what you let on. It frustrates me. I want you to be able to trust me...but obviously not...