....long time blog.
Haven't seen you in a long time.

I turned 20 the other day. I feel old now.
Work is still as shit as ever.
I got told that I got a pay rise....but I never actually got it.

And three weeks ago....well you broke up with me.
Now you're telling me that I wasted your life.
That I treated you like shit.
That you never ever loved me.

But...you still want to be my best friend.

How the fuck can I do this when you don't give two shits about how I'm feeling right now.

I thought I was nearly over the heart break.

Every morning I wake up in our bed and you're not there.
You're clothes are still all over my floor.
You're still telling me you care when you obviously don't.
And you're getting bitchy at me for ignoring you.

Three years of our lives.
I loved you.

No.

I still love you.

What if I was to announce it to the whole world?

How would you feel then?

It wouldn't be hard....

I want to get motivated.I want to lose weight.Lose my tummy.Have legs again.I want to wear make up.I want to do my hair.I want to be pretty again.

got you, you little silicon eating mouse...

da easta bunni comez

"Endometriosis is a painful, chronic disease. It occurs when tissue like that which lines the uterus (tissue called the endometrium) is found outside the uterus -- usually in the abdomen on the ovaries, fallopian tubes, and ligaments that support the uterus; the area between the vagina and rectum; the outer surface of the uterus; and the lining of the pelvic cavity. Other sites for these endometrial growths may include the bladder, bowel, vagina, cervix, vulva, and in abdominal surgical scars. Less commonly they are found in the lung, arm, thigh, and other locations.                                                  

This misplaced tissue develops into growths or lesions which respond to the menstrual cycle in the same way that the tissue of the uterine lining does: each month the tissue builds up, breaks down, and sheds. Menstrual blood flows from the uterus and out of the body through the vagina, but the blood and tissue shed from endometrial growths has no way of leaving the body. This results in internal bleeding, breakdown of the blood and tissue from the lesions, and inflammation -- and can cause pain, infertility, scar tissue formation, adhesions, and bowel problems.                                    

my endometriosis

scarring that i've had since birth

more endometriosis

My 
blog 
looks 
really, 
really 
ugly 
right 
now.
It 
needs 
more 
life 
and 
colour.

I wish I could spend the rest of my fucking life with you!

I wonder if I was born a boy that my dad would like me more?

I wish they had given me stronger pain killers...
I feel as though I need them right now...

You pissed me off.

Yea, she's your sister, and yea I get her every night.

But do you forget I had, had a 2 hour operation and every time I went to move I felt like I was going to pass out.I had a tube hanging out of my tummy, I wasn't allowed to pee.

I'm sure you would chose sitting at a mates beside for a while over seeing your sister.

It just annoyed me. And I know you'll read this, and you'll know it's directed at you, but who else in my pathetic life do I have to come and sit next to a hospital bed while and tube is peeing into one bag and blood/fluid is draining into the other. 

It's embarrassing...and I'm sure you wouldn't have sat there. What your sister did was fucking impressive. Both my mum and I were proud of the way she sat there as they looked at me. She helped me to try stand even though my blood was lying right there.

I'm sorry...

Maybe next time I have the surgery, which I will, I won't ask anyone to come. Because I mean nothing to anyone. 

My surgery is over and done with...for now.

I am stuck with this illness now. I will be in and out of hospital for the rest of my life.

Yea, what they found wasn't much, but they found it...and it's going to come back.

It's not going to kill me. It's just going to cause me a lot of pain...

:(

Blood tests tomorrow.
Surgery on Tuesday.
How I wish I could come home on Tuesday night.
But oh well.
I won't even get to talk to you on Tuesday night...
You'll have her around...

Times like these I need you the most and when I can't have you I get upset.

FML.

Fuck you, mum. I don't ask much of you, but the one thing I really, really want and you won't let me have it. I just want her there for me and you won't pick us up or let her stay. Fuck you. The one thing I really wanted.

I still like you. Even after what we've been through. I can't shake it from my head. I wish you didn't exist.

I purchased myself an iPhone.

I am happy.

I've had my rant now.

I feel a LOT better.

What I heard you did this evening was so fucking rude.
Just 'cause you saw them live doesn't mean they belong to you.
I might download the album, burn it to a disk and give it to them just to spite you.
You can be such a bitch sometimes. I wish your parents would crack down on you like mine did to me. You don't run the house, your opinion means nothing. Learn to respect others and think about people other than yourself and the stupid dick head you are "in love" with...
You disgust me.

http://www.chelsey.co.nz/love-and-sex/parenting-and-relationships/co-dependent-love-relationships

Who does this sound like...

you're not hot....so stop trying to be...